My broken heart.

Yesterday was tough... today is still tough.

It smelt so bad being in the slums.. looking at the slums made my heart break before we even went into the village. The people just sad on the roads- if you can even call them roads.

A thousand people shared one toilet- imagine that... can you even imagine that? It has been so hard for me to grasp this and I saw it.

God loves these people just as much as he loves me. So why am I constantly so selfish? Why do I try to forget these people and images rather than letting them affect me deeply. Could it be that if I really let these people's stories affect me that I would do something about it - maybe I would stop worrying about buying something and worry about how to empower these people.

I let them affect me. I've been letting people's stories affect me for the past 3 years. It's hard and uncomfortable but I believe it is necessary. I can't really type much more because my head hasn't stopped spinning and I'm not sure what the Lord is trying to teach me from this.. I just know that he has amazing plans for my life and I thank him for showing me more and more of what it means to love.

Than just when I thought my heart couldn't break anymore we went to an orphanage yesterday afternoon. The babies that I held had been abandoned. The most common thing that happens in Jo Burg is that the mother will have the baby in the hospital and than leave the baby. Some of the babies I held where left on the streets and found in dumpsters. Boy o boy did that ever hit me hard. We got to stay at the orphanage for a few hours and that hold time I didn't stop praying. I prayed that these precious children's would one day know God's love and know that they will never be abandoned by him. For a women who LOVES and ADORES children- this was very hard.

Today we drove seven hours to Pietermaritzburg.. getting closer to the time where I can finally move in..

I wish I could write more. I wish my thoughts were clear from yesterday, but they aren't.

I'm heart-broken.
 I'm frustrated and angry.
 I'm so blessed to have the opportunity to see the world in this light.
I am driven more than ever to change the world however God choses.
I am so humbled that the creator of the universe is crazy about me despite my faults.

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