12.30.2011

Reflections on 2011 part 1

urgg... how I love technology! So I have been working on a VERY long blog to sum up such an amazing 2011 and somehow.. even though I saved it I can't find it! So this will be a very short version and when I get back from my little camping get-a-way I will re do it:)

 Yesterday I was reflecting on 2011 in my journal ( I wrote 16 pages and I'm still not done) and I realized that many people love to make New Year's Resolutions at this time but I adore just re living moments in 2011 and trying to capture them on paper so that I won't ever forget. It's a fun process but it's hard. All the massive mistakes I've made and the people who I hurt come to mind just as much as the incredible lessons I've learnt and friendships I've made. The one thing that I kept writing and re-writing in my journal that God's grace is never ending. When I look back at 2011 I see God's hand over my life, I see the Spirit moving and it's such a humbling experience knowing that the God of the universe takes interest in my life. A new lesson that I've learnt this year is grasping that God delights in me. That I'm his and nothing is going to change that. I love the title of my blog- Forever His. It is a reminder every time I sign onto my blog that I am God's. Eternity is hard to think about but I guess that's where faith comes in.. knowing that I am with God forever and ever.. 

Something I haven't reflected on in a while but something that I should reflect on more often is the fact that I am alive. That being on earth today is a gift. I had a scary wake-up call on Christmas day. Around 6pm on December 25 I got itchy all over. Than my fingers started to tingle and I lost feeling in my face. I was on this beautiful property and we were out for a walk after our lunch. I realized something was wrong and started heading back to the house. When I got to the house my face was a white pasty colour and everything on my body was swollen. My host sister Catherine ran and got Anne (my host mom) and before I knew it I was in the back seat of the car, freaking out driving to the hospital. I car ride was a blur- my eyes started shutting and my throat started closing. It is honestly the scariest thing that has ever happened to me- it was terrifying. I could feel my throat closing. Than I went unconscious and I don't really remember too much. Than a wonderful miracle happened- I threw up in the back seat of the car. It was my bodies attempt to stay alive. Looking back now if I didn't throw up I probably would have died on the forty minute car ride to the hospital. But God is good. I was rushed to emergency and hooked up to an IV within seconds. By 10pm I was stable and the drugs had made me twitch a lot and my speech was still blurred but for the most part I was ok. When they told me I was stable I just wanted to go home. Sooooo baddd.. there is no way I can put into words the intense desire that I just needed to be home. However because of the severe reaction and the fact that I almost died I was told that I had to stay the night at the hospital. 

Let me remind you what day this all happened.... Christmas night. Once that clicked in my head that I would have to sleep overnight with no one on Christmas night I was a mess. I just couldn't stop crying. ( I am blaming my reaction on the drugs) This moment has been the lowest of my trip this far. I am so happy that I stayed overnight because I was watched like a hawk and given drugs throughout the night but at the time I was not ok. Writing this sense shivers up my spine... I still can't accept the fact that I almost died because that is just too scary to grasp. Also I feel like I am exaggerating when I say that " I almost died." The doctor told me that given another few minutes I wouldn't have made it.. that scares me too much to believe it.

Physically I am ok- mentally I am dealing with it. To be honest I'm not sure how much more mentally I can handle on this trip and I'm not even half way. First my laptop and pictures were stolen, than I got sick. Than I got pneumonia and my lung collapsed. Than my job didn't need me anymore and I was stuck finding new work and lastly on Christmas night I had an allergic reaction. 
Mentally I am exhausted and I 100% know that without God's strength I would be on a flight home

I am leaving right now to go away for a few days camping for a bit over New Years. I promise to write more once I get back and give you some of my favourite highlights of 2011 so stay tuned!

but for now I'll say HAPPY NEW YEAR:)

all my love coming your way.
xox





2 comments:

  1. I’m glad you’re okay Madeline and that you are trusting God with all of this! Have an awesome time camping. I can’t wait to read about it when you get back :)

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  2. Hey Madeline. I've been keeping up with your blog as much as I can and it was so powerful to read this blog. I am glad you are okay and I cannot even begin to imagine the psychological toll it has all had on you. I am glad you have been able to find support and I know you will be bette for it.

    Sometimes our journeys are tough. Being in the Dominican for 3 months this summer, a lot happened too but I guess not to the extent that things have happened for you. But I do remember really wanting to go home when I was at my lowest. Yet I would not change a thing I did there. Looking back on my time, it was truly the best thing I have done and I know you will feel the same when your time is done. It was hard, yes. But you can do it! You are one of the strongest girls I know :)

    Happy holidays and I wish you all the best.

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