12.07.2011

what I wrote in my journal...

here's a bit of what I wrote in my journal this morning.. thought I would share with you all.

*sigh*.. today is the last day @ the boarding house with the children. Although I have been very very emotional leading up to this day, I personally thought I would be crying by now but I'm not- not at all. It's weird- I'm totally at peace. For a moment I thought I was feeling this way because maybe I don't love them as much as I thought or because I've had a headache these past few days etc etc but I realized it's because God has put a peace in my life. A peace the the bible talks about having- a peace that goes beyond our human understanding. For the first time in a very long time (maybe the first time ever?) I am experiencing God's peace. Nothing I could have ever gotten from this world. 


The kids are leaving and the bags are packed. JP students (5 of them) don't need to go to school today and two have left already and the SP students are just planning a party and than their concert tonight- yipee! I am not looking forward to January when the kids come back and I realize that some of these kids won't be coming back but like stated earlier- I have peace. It is the coolest feeling in the world! Jesus, thank you for always looking out for me. It's so sur-real to not feel worried or anxious. Thank you for answering hours of prayers! These kids are not mine- nor will they ever be and although I love them like they are my kids, I am so blessed and privledged for them to have an opportunity to impact my life and for me to impact theirs. You never fully know the impact you have one someone - good or bad and I know that I touched these kids lives but to what extent I don't know.


I've really realized that we do go through seasons- a lot of different seasons in our lives. This season I'm going through is hard- but what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger and I know 100% I am stronger for this season. New kids will come and go, people will come and go in my life, situations will come and go in my life- that's just the way life goes. I guess I'm starting to realize that if I am on this earth for a vapour according to eternity that I shouldn't worry if I see these kids again or not. I was blessed to be with them for a season in my life and now that season is passing. This is all part of God's plan and I want to live out my faith knowing and believing that God has it all together and He is always in control. Yes I know I will miss them 100% but missing them is ok- being sad is ok- as long as I know that God's plan is taking them elsewhere and I need to be excited about that, rather than upset that I don't get to see them- that's just a selfish way of living and I need to get over that. okay, I better get back to playing uno with the girls.. no sense writing more on my last day with them- time is precious.
so thankful to be a peace today. thank you Lord. xo

so yes, that's some of what I wrote this morning! It is the last day! On Monday I put on a party for the kids- it was great!!! Yesterday was the JP concert and tonight is the SP concert. Around 9 tonight I will be back at the Pennel's for 5 weeks and spend Christmas with them. I am stoked :)
Hope your week is going amazing.
Sending you lots of love from Africa

Maddie
xo

2 comments:

  1. Hey Maddie!!

    I've tried to post something a couple times but it didn't work so this will be short + sweet :) I love reading your blog posts!! It's so cool to see how God's revealing Himself to you each day - it's faith building for me!! We constantly are praying for and thinking of you. Kate and I hung your prayer card up in our room so we can look over and pray for you when we see your beautiful picture!! Keep on serving faithfully like you are - God's moving in amazing ways, weaving the tapestry of all those kids lives, and you are becoming a big piece in that! Love in Christ, Julia Courlas :)

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  2. Hey marvelous maddie!! I absolutely love your raw honesty about the host of emotions that pour from your heart about so many things in your world! I stand amazed at our amazing God and how He continues to mould and shape and use you through these experiences.
    About birthdays, I wondered if the birth of Christ and his birthdays were also bittersweet, for His family knew why He came and what was to come of Him. I'm sure birthdays were hard for Him too. May the joy that you transmit take such a place in each of those dear kids hearts, that they are warmed and reminded of Christ's love for them, each birthday, as they remember their encounters with you! much love this day, Wendy B.

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