Lessons Learnt from Zambia!

I still can't find the right words to explain how much I needed a vacation and how much I loved travelling! Shawnti and I kept saying throughout the five days: "can we be any happier?" - we would both respond with "nope!"

A major thing I realized which I'd forgotten  is that I'm 19 years old. That's it. Still a teenager!!! Working with the NGO and living with the kids, I have to act a lot older- I have to be a mature parent and take on the burdens, worries and joys of 18 children. I have to deal with Western views and African views. Culture clashes still happen all the time. It is a privilege and blessing to all these things (don't get me wrong, I want to be here) but I didn't realize how different it made me. I've had to act mature and responsible for the past seven months (again not a bad thing) but when I was laying down beside the pool I realized that I'm just a 19 year old girl. 

& it's okay for me to want to relax and have fun on my vacation. It's not a bad thing for me to want to forget the problems of the world for a few days and just laugh about stupid things and gossip. It's not bad to want to flirt a bit, wear make-up and dress sexy. It's not wrong for me to want to read cosmo and decide what I want to wear via pinterest. I'm 19 remember.

but I know I'm called to more. God has set His children apart and called them to an eternal lifestyle. The world would have told me its okay to do all of the above, after all it's my vacation and I'm serving out of the good of my heart for a year. I deserve an extended weekend.

We caught a free bus ride back to our hostel and the bus was filled with young adults like me. They were flirting, super drunk, having so much 'fun' and laughing their heads off. I felt boring- why wasn't I 'fun' any more? Instead of joining in, I was sitting on the bus praying for my children. I knew Phumlilie and Aphiwe were going to have a hard time at home this week (kids are off for Easter break) and their precious faces didn't leave my mind.

It's another major blow to me that I changed. And being totally honest with you, I'm not sure its 100% a positive thing. Transitioning is going to be hard! I had the best vacation of my life and it was so fun. But I guess my definition of "fun" is different now.

I read a quote that says "sometimes people don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed." 
This pretty much sums up what I'm trying to say. I know the truth now, a lot better than I did a year ago at least. I have relationships with people who are just trying to make it through the day. I know that 27 million people are living in slavery. I have met broken people and heard their stories. I have witnessed slums and people living in absolute poverty.

My illusion that this world is all about me and I can live however I want because I need to make myself happy has been forever shattered and will never surface again. (I hope)

I look at my facebook news feed and a lot of my "friends" photos and status reflect them. How much they drank on the weekend, photos of them in clothes that hide nothing at all and status's of who upset them that day. This is what a typical nineteen year old university student does right? My news feed usually leads me frustrated and heartbroken to the point where I've started cleaning out my nine hundred facebook friends because I can't deal with those stupid status any longer.

Okay I'm rambling WAY to much for my own good.

Point being: Yes, I am 19. Yes it would be okay for me to live like a typical 19 year old for a few days because I've been working so hard. You would almost think I deserved it. But I couldn't. & my desires have switched. God has gotten such a hold of my life and even if I have to act like a thirty year old I am super humbled that He has chosen me to bring glory to His name and I don't want to disappoint the Kingdom!

on a total other note, a bunch of you have been asking for my itinerary of my vacation- so this is what I did!:)

I went down to Shawnti's place in Durban Tuesday evening and we flew out from Durban to Johannesburg, Jo-burg to Livingstone Zambia and by 2pm we were settled nicely into our hostel.

Wednesday: chill day, learning the currency and what groceries to buy
Thursday: Rode elephants in the morning, chilled by the pool in the afternoon, sunset cruise on the Zambezi river
Friday: Went into town/saw the market place, out for lunch with the 4 Zambian SALTers, hung out at the hostel at night
Saturday: Went to see one of the seven wonders of the world!!! Went out for drinks over looking the river and watching the sunset
Sunday: left our hostel at 11am and I arrived back in Maritzburg 11pm that night!

1 comment:

  1. I love reading all your posts and seeing the wonderful work God is doing through you! I know exactly what you mean about feeling like your "not fun". I myself have been struggling with this lately but you have definately given me another view on it - thank you! I guess its true about us being aliens to the world .

    I'm praying for you!


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