4.06.2012

Pressure

Pressure.

this word isn't new to my vocabulary. From playing sports to getting good grades I have had a lot of pressure put on me and pressure I've put on myself to be better, to strive further. I think a bit of pressure is good. It helps me hand in assignments on time and makes me become a better person in many ways too.

these past few months I have been feeling a lot of pressure regarding my blog. (make sure you keep reading cuz i'll try to make sense soon!) this blog originally started as a venue for my thoughts and to keep my parents, close relatives informed on my happenings in 'foreign Africa.' I ended up posting my blog link to facebook and people seemed interested in my life. It was extremely excited reviewing my 'stats' on my blog those first few months where I was desperate for home and needed encouragement.

Over fifteen thousand hits later, I'm realizing that I've been able to encourage some of you with my stories and thoughts and I'm so thankful to be able to do that. However, I can't lie by saying that I don't feel a little bit of pressure to write something poetic or beautiful. To write insightful things that give you hope in the day.

I've been starring at my "new post" icon these past two weeks feeling the pressure to write something amazing, but nothing wonderful is coming to mind.

 I think I let the pressure get to my head and I'm trying to let it go. I am just an ordinary girl trying to live my life with purpose. I'm desperate for God's heart and will for my life and yearning to love you like Christ is. I wish I could give you the "right" words of encouragement or write with less grammatical errors but I just can't.

I want to thank you for reading my blog because your support is AMAZING, however I want to be clear that I'm not a "good Christian" or "this great service worker." I screw up a lot. I fail myself a lot of the time and people I work with. As much as I love my kids, they make me so angry when they steal from me or won't give me space.

When I come home, I hope you see Christ in me and not me, but please don't get this wrong idea that I'm "holy" or "amazing" or anything.

I'm just a girl who is running this race called life - just like you. God is using me but He wants to use you too.

& when I get home I really pray you can accept me for me, whatever state I'm in.

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