fake people and unrealistic expectations

in high school i must admit i had very unrealistic expectations of what my future should and could look like.

i watched shows like the bachelor and gossip girl that showed me this fake messed up version of what "love" looks like. i read cosmo and other magazines that gave me the perfect advice on how to play hard to get and keep the mystery going well securing the guy.

then i would read my bible and try to find verses about dating and how to grow up and at the time i often felt hard pressed to find any verses that could help my predicament. growing up is tough and after believing in "love" from the bachelor and bachelorette it was so hard to find my identity in Christ.

hollywood and the bible tell someone exact opposites of what to do… but i found it hard in my growing up stage to separate the two. here are a few examples: hollywood says put yourself first, the bible says to serve others. hollywood says to repay and get revenge while the bible says to forgive. hollywood says to hate your enemies and the bible goes as far to say to pray for them. i could go on and on…but the main one i've been reflecting on is … hollywood says to be fake, to show no one your weakness, to not be vulnerable and to always act like you have it all together. the bible says that God knows our deepest secrets and loves a humble honest heart.

i know i'm not done "growing up" yet but i've come along way from my playing hard to get in my high school days. i've learnt that the most refreshing thing is meeting someone who is real, honest and isn't playing any sort of game. i've dropped the friends that just want me for a good party and invested in girls who aren't afraid to show weakness because they know God is their strength.

i'm on this pastoral team for the summer and my job consists of hanging out with high schoolers and just investing in their lives [best job in the world right??] i know its not always easy but i want to be real- i so want to be vulnerable and for them to see i'm not some "holy good Christian" but that i'm God's chosen daughter finding her worth in Him alone and not in this world. 

i want to strive to look more like Christ and reflect less of what hollywood says.

i want to be real because i know whose i am and what i'm worth.. not because of anything i've learnt from hollywood but from what the bible tells me i am.. chosen, deeply loved and created for a purpose. 

so where is this all coming from? i've been sick the past few days and in my bed rest i've been re watching some gossip girl episodes on netflix to pass the time. back in high school i loved that show… for the drama, new york city and the fashion… however re watching it again has made me sick. sick realizing how much i fell for all the crap about friendships love and finding my way. it's been pretty neat re watching it and reflecting on how far i've come. God is definately real because He's done such a work on me and in my life defining who i am. 

i'm so blessed/excited/thrilled [insert any other positive adjective here] to be given the opportunity to serve God this summer up at camp and learn more about what it means to be real

to be a woman defined by the bible, not by hollywood



Future Plans

 i've opened this page countless times over the last week. i have so many thoughts and things i'm learning but it all feels so overwhelming to write about. even journaling has been tough trying to figure out whats going on in my head and writing/typing it out.

i found this quote via pinterest yesterday and i think it perfectly sums my last few weeks. in this season i've done a lot of trying to figure out my life and what i'm suppose to be doing. i've been planning for the future and often times in my head i try to picture or figure out how its all suppose to look. i totally am trusting God with my future but i know my brain wanders and sometimes i can get these unrealistic pictures in my head.

it's scary not knowing where your headed in life, but its been such an exciting thrilling process at the same time. mark and i are learning to just pray allowing God to rule and reign in our lives…wherever He calls us. i honestly just want what God wants and will go/do anything He wants us too -but saying it and living it out daily can be very different.

this week i've been praying that i won't "play the role of God" and create future scenarios of what my life could/should look like. that i would learn to trust God more with my future and learn how to practically live it out better. it's so amazing to serve a God who is already there, who knows my future and will never leave my side.

hope you're having a great week!



Wedding Video

i'm so happy to be able to share our favourite day with you! we got hitched on December 28 and Rebecca got some awesome footage of our day.

my man has spent countless hours these last few months creating our wedding video and i'm totally biased but i love it. it's so fun re living the best day!

hope you enjoy it:)

ps. click on the top of the movie link to view it larger in youtube!


Better than the Israelites

i've been reading through the bible from start to finish in hope of getting a more contextual view of the bible.

in short, its been such a rich experience and i'm learning so much about God's character and his sovereignty.

its been frustrating reading through the beginning of the old testament and reading about how the Israelites continue to fall away from God and worship idols. as i've been reading i've been so upset at how easy Israel forgets. They were getting food dropped from heaven and yet they couldn't believe?

God met them in Mount Sinai (Exodus 19:18) and yet before Moses even came down from the mountain they were creating a golden calf to worship. (Exodus 32)

In my head reading this all i'm thinking how stupid could they be? Moses can't even take forty days before the Israelites are worshipping other Gods. & the people promised God they would follow and be obedient. In Exodus 24:3 they say "all the words which the Lord has spoken we will do!" and again in Exodus 24:7 they reply "we will be obedient."

as i've continue reading the pattern just continues. God delivers His people, they fall away and forget about God. They cry out to God and He delivers them once more and then the pattern continues.

i hate to admit this but i was starting to feel a bit prideful. while reading i was telling God, really? if i saw you come down in a could i wouldn't forget you. i wouldn't be as awful as the Israelites. i would think to myself - "Lord, i would be the Caleb or Joshua who would do the thing that pleased you."

in ranting to Mark one night about how disobedient God's chosen people were, Mark looked puzzled and said (i'm paraphrasing) "but Maddie, we do that to God all the time, every day. We have his Holy word and still can't even follow it."

ouch. his comment convicted me instantly as i realized while reading i had started to feel better that the Israelites. how many times have i told God i would be obedient and follow Him and less then a week been consumed with the worries of the world? i got back down on my knees and realized how stupid i was to even think that way.

my desire is to follow God but as a human waging war against my flesh i know i come up short. i am so thankful that like the Israelites God didn't give up on them and He doesn't give up on me.

there is consequences for our sin, (the Israelites experienced that- 40 years wandering around) but God loves us enough to give us the opportunity to serve Him with everything we have and live in eternity with Him.

i'm so thankful for his redeeming love that covers my pride and a multitude of sins and that the Lord teaches me through His word… even if its hard sometimes to swallow my pride.

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