my fear in blogging + evolution of foreverhis

photo by abeauitfulmess 
i wrote my first blog post dec 23 2010 - you can read my first post here - i had absolutely no idea what i was getting myself into or what this blog could become.

the blogging industry is now an industry and many of the blogs i read, the writers are millionaires and their full time job is to blog and create content for a blog. back in 2010 i was faithfully reading 5 or 6 blogs and loved them so i decided to start my own.

i process through writing and love journalling so i just viewed this blog as an online journal. i didn't expect anyone to read it or my content to be worthy of people's readership but i wanted to remember my "twenties" and having my own space on the web felt like the best way.

in feb of 2011 i decided i was going to live in pietermaritzburg south africa for a year. looking back now i think i was insane. i also think my parents were insane. who lets an 18 year old live by herself in a foreign country for a year? this blog became a lifeline for me as i processed the good and bad and watched as God changed me completely. 

my readership went up when i was in south africa. most of the young adults that were serving in a country for the year with MCC (mennonite central committee) had a blog and we would read each others accounts of what was happening and what we were learning. it was so much fun having a blog and being able to connect with others around the world but more importantly connect with my friends and family at home. i no longer had to write separate emails to my friends telling them what was going on, they could just read my blog.

this blog was so helpful for people to get a glimpse into my south african life. i am beyond thankful that i have so many rich deep memories from my year all organized here - you can check out this entry here from south africa reflecting on eight months that had over five hundred views.

when i got home from south africa i felt a lot of pressure to keep writing content to my loyal readers however i wasn't being a mom to 18 kids anymore- i was attending university like everyone else. this was my final blog post on this space - here …so i thought

mark and i had started dating again and he reminded me why i started this blog and the purpose of it…before south africa. after "giving up blogging"  mark and i really felt God lay on our hearts to share our story with the world.

we both prayed super hard about this, but knew this is what God had wanted.. and we wanted to be faithful to Him. so we wrote our love story. dating (4 times) and trying to figure it out. we were very raw, honest and vulnerable. you can read that series hereherehere & marks side here.

this series got a lot of feedback- good & bad. some people wrote us hate emails. i remember mark getting an fb message telling him that he was being an awful Christian to share our relationship online and that he shouldn't be dating me.

regardless of the responses the blog series got over six thousand views. by the end of me writing out our proposal story we were reaching eight thousand.

we were shocked. obviously we didn't know who was reading it… i don't even know a thousand people  let alone eight, but we were blown away at the power blogs can have and what our impact could be online.

i decided to keep blogging here and there but i was planning a wedding, graduating from school and working full time so left kept me more than busy and not a lot of time to blog.

but now. 2015. working in full time ministry i have a lot i want to type and share. God is doing incredible things in my our lives and i want to write them down and capture them forever on my wonderful space in the web world.

but i'm scared. 

so scared.

because i have readers now. and people who count on me to produce content. 

i wrote about our first year of marriage - you can read it here and by the next day over nine hundred people had read it.

nine hundred. gasp. who are you? i know the blogs i read get hundred and thousands of hits per week but little me in small town gets excited when thirty people read my blog.

i want to continue blogging, i have a lot to say but i am fearful because i want to write something good. i have been so hesitant to blog a lot because i am afraid to disappoint you or more importantly disappoint God. i want so badly in each post for God to be glorified and i am scared that i won't do that.

i am dramatic and prefer one on one conversations, but this blog can't do that. i have no idea who those nine hundred people were that read my blog and that drives me crazy.

so here i am. 

being totally vulnerable with you once more and just letting you know where i am at. 

if you've been reading my blog for the past four years thank you so much. i really mean that. thank you for walking through my grammatically blog posts. i really love that you would take time out of your day to read what i have to say.

if you're new to this blog, i promise to try and write more and get a steady stream of content coming just be patient with me as i am tad bit scared. ( my goal is post every monday!)

thanks for getting to the end of this massive blog post.

thanks for your readership and thanks for letting me be so open with you.


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