I Want To Remember

Any day now...
Today could be the day...
You could honestly go into labour anytime...

These thoughts from myself and other really kind people are starting to get to me. Everyone is honestly being the best and so kind asking me so many questions about how I feel and how close I am to raising this baby. However, it is making me so anxious. It really could be any day. They are right. My midwife is right. I am right. But it could also be 41 weeks and 3 days when my midwife told me this week thats when I would be induced - which is still 19 days away, which is a super long time.

It is 1:30am and I was laying in bed listening to my husband sleeping so peacefully and feeling my boy kick and move all over. I had been trying to get comfortable for hours heading up to bed well before 11pm and getting no sleep. My baby boy is still moving like crazy and I started thinking to myself I want to remember this moment.

With all the anxiety and restlessness this time shall pass and I don't want to forget. I don't want to forget these kicks as I can look down at my belly and feel him move. I know soon I will be up all night exhausted for another reason and my life will change completely for the better but still change drastically.


To my dear baby boy:

I want to remember this time we have now. Yes, I would love to go into labour at any moment but I don't want to forget this time now.

I want to remember the day I couldn't wait to take the pregnancy test because I just knew you were growing inside of me. I don't want to forget running from the bathroom into the bedroom where your Dad was patiently waiting for the news. I don't want to forget us holding hands jumping up and down acting so crazy because we were so thrilled the Lord was blessing us with you.

I want to remember looking at you for the first time on that 12 week ultrasound. I fell in love with you that day. Your sweet Daddy and I looked at you on the screen and then looked at my fairly flat stomach at the time and just gasped at you and how miraculous you are.

I want to remember feeling your first movement. It wasn't a butterfly kiss like so many people had told me it would feel like. It was strong and pronounced. You were making a statement already.

I want to remember finding out that you were a boy. We had such a fun party Christmas eve celebrating you! Your extended family just can't wait to meet you. I want to remember all the love and support I felt that night knowing that even though this parenting thing scares me, I have so much support from family.

I want to remember deciding on your name! It was such a blast when your Dad and I agreed. It has been the best decision finding your gender and picking out your name because I feel so much closer talking to you and calling you by name.

I want to remember waking up in the mornings and watching you move around as I quickly grab your Dad's hand to feel all the movements.

I want to remember those mornings lying in bed as your Dad talked to you and kissed you and read to you. I sure think you know our voices already...maybe too much!

I want to remember going for the 30 week ultrasound with Grammie and Dad and watching you stick out your tongue back and forth. We are giggled so much knowing you have so much personality even inside my tummy. It is incredible that you are living inside of me right now. I don't ever want to forget that moment.

I want to remember our games we play, where I put my warm tea mug on my stomach and then watch you kick it out of the way. I want to remember trying to film all your movements but the moment I press play it is like you know and won't kick. I hope you are just relaxing then rather than being stubborn like your mother.

I want to remember the feeling of setting up your nursery and washing all your newborn sleepers. It hit a new level of realness that night as I prayed over your room and sat on the recliner realizing that there is no turning back. You are coming out into this world one day soon and that realization was scary and beautiful all at the same time.

I want to remember the deep love I have for you as you are in the womb. As the Lord is knitting you together inside of me, I want to remember the absolute privilege and joy it is to be pregnant. There is literally life (you!) growing inside of me and that is so unbelievable.

I can't wait to meet you so soon and make so many new memories but I am thankful for all the memories you've already blessed me with. I so want to remember them.

We love you so much sweet boy.

Dad & Mom


Maternity Photos

So when you've gained 40 pounds it is very difficult to feel beautiful, even when the weight gain has a purpose. It is still so tough. It has been such a struggle getting ready in the mornings and looking at all my stretch marks, yet I knew I wanted to remember this time of pregnancy even though I can't wait for it to be over.

Our friend from church offered to take some pictures of us which was such a blessing! I adore them. Despite all my fears going into this shoot these pictures I will cherish. Life is such a miracle and I never want to take for granted the beautiful baby growing inside of me.

Thanks to my baby seester for doing my hair and makeup [ cuz I honestly don't know how ] and for Jenn for capturing such beautiful pictures!

2 more weeks till baby is due:) Please come soon.


Is Jesus Christ the biggest blast of your life?

One of my all time favourite bible teachers is Beth Moore. You can check out her ministry here and her blog here. I have followed and sat under her teachings since I was a pre-teen and last November I got to see her live in Toronto and it was so wonderful.

I was listening to one of the her teachings recently called "Fun with Jesus" and it just blew me away. I was listening to it during work as background noise so I didn't really catch much but the title stayed with me for days. I asked myself honestly "is Jesus Christ the biggest blast of my life?" That question just continued to swirl around my mind. I love Jesus more than anything in this world. I am crazy about Him and as I get to know Him more I fall deeper in love - but am I having the most fun with Him? Or do worldly things look more fun?

I am one passionate person. I feel deeply, love deeply and serve with everything I am. My personality is an "all in" type when I get committed or believe in something. We were all made for passion though. We all want to feel alive, to be loved, to make this one short life on earth matter. Beth Moore challenges us that if we aren't getting that passion from Jesus where are we getting it from? 

After mulling this around and I told Jesus that I want more fun with Him. See, people sometimes think being a Christian is all about rules and that it's boring. I can guarantee you that it's not. It is a blast and I want to continue to have so much fun with Him.

I went back and actually listened to the three part (only 40 minutes total) video and took some notes to share with you! If you have time I encourage you to watch it. She starts around the 2 minute mark and then she speaks for 15 minutes on each tv program. [part 1, part 2, part 3]

If you don't have time I have summarized her 5 points here. They are gold and so so good.

photocred: IFGathering

Top 5 Ways To Drain The Fun Out Of Following Jesus

1. We keeping saying to Jesus "come follow me."

Jesus asks His disciples to follow Him but so often we tell Jesus to come follow us. Imagine if the disciples just said "Jesus, come mend nets with us instead...wahoo mending nets is so much fun!" Jesus doesn't want us to keep mending nets, He wants us to follow Him and when we do it will be scary and awesome and so much fun... we will never be bored following Him.

2. We don't trust Jesus enough to enjoy Him

We are called as Christians to trust in God but are we scared that we won't be alright? What if we knew that we were going to be okay? That anything Jesus asked us to do or go He would be enough? Paul knew that he was safe following Jesus. Paul writes that he would be delivered to Jesus safely even though Paul knows he will be beheaded. Most times we don't think being beheaded for Jesus is safe but Paul did. He knew that he would see Jesus and be in heaven and that he was okay. Would you follow the thrill of Jesus if you knew you would be okay?

3. We are so scared of the Holy Spirit we've drained the spontaneity

Because of our unbelief we can drain all of the spontaneity out of the Holy Spirit and end up bored. The people who are having the least fun with Jesus are the control freaks. You cannot control the Holy Spirit you can only quench Him. We keep wanting to make God behave but God can't fit and will not fit into our small box of Him.

Instead of following the leading of the Holy Spirit we are so scared we will hear wrong or that we will embarrass ourselves that we don't do anything and end up being bored. What if the worst thing that happens is I heard the Holy Spirit wrong and ending up loving on someone or brining them a meal when they didn't need one... so what? who cares!?

4. We have very little faith in the miraculous

What does God credit as righteousness? Faith [Romans 4]. I need to believe by faith. My faith is what is going to make me more Godly and righteous.  Mark 6:5-6 says (talking about Jesus) "And He could do no miracle there except that He laid His hands on a few sick people and healed them. And He wondered at their unbelief." Jesus is marvelling at these people's unbelief. Jesus can do anything and could have done anything in that town had they had some faith and believed. If I believe little, I will see little. We are reaffirming our own unbelief when we don't have faith. Jesus is capable of so much more but we need to believe or else like in Mark 6 Jesus "could do no miracle" because of their unbelief.

5. We cannot fathom that Jesus could enjoy us

Do you believe that Jesus loves you? Like really adores you and exults over you? Zephaniah 3:17 says "The Lord your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy." Do I believe that Jesus rejoices over me and is proud of me when I take steps of faith and follow Him? Yes, life is tough - but life is tough regardless of following Jesus because we live in a fallen world. Don't you want to journey with someone who has control of the world and loves you?

These are such good reminders and like I mentioned before I have been thinking about them so much.

Yes Lord, you are the most fun of my life and I can't wait to continue to go on these crazy adventures with you. Lord, I want you to be the biggest blast of my life. Help me to have faith to step out and follow you 100%.


To All the Husbands with Pregnant Wives

So let me just say right out front that I know us ladies have it harder when it comes to pregnancy. But I feel men don't even get mentioned in these nine months of preparing for a baby and I want to give a shout out to all those husbands who have stepped up big time as us woman are growing a little human inside of us.

If you've followed this blog even for a bit you will know that I am crazy in love with my husband. We don't ever fight [we can remember one time], we have the most fun together and we love serving Jesus with everything we have. I admire my man so much and pray that the Lord continues to use him in mighty mighty ways. 

photocred: @jamiedelaine

I must admit I was a bit naive going into this pregnancy. I know all women have a different story and it's unfair to compare but I had in my mind that I would be tired but overall OK. I had expectations of what I would be able to do and accomplish and I've had a rude wake up call these past couple months.

First trimester started with needing to nap daily and feeling so nauseous. Everyone said wait till second trimester when it would get better. I stopped throwing up around 17 weeks and then by week 20 was starting to feel pain in my pelvis. I had to stop working at Crossroads because walking hurt. Since 30 weeks I haven't been able to walk and when I do I am in pain. Even sitting down and doing nothing hurts and its left me unproductive and so frustrated. At the end of the Christmas season, we found out that my placenta was resting on my cervix and I wasn't able to exercise for the next ten weeks. I started gaining so much weight since I couldn't work out and all those insecurities of being fat and not beautiful started rising to the surface. At 34 weeks I became so tired again. Like showering is a full adventure and I can take a nap right after because I am so tired. I have low iron and I'm taking pills to try and get more energy but at week 36 right now its tough... really tough.

And where is Mark in all of this? His life has changed so much, just like mine but in a different way. He has had to clean so much more. He puts on my socks in the morning and helps me up and down from the couch. He cooks more and takes on pretty much all the housework. As I lay on the couch in the evenings exhausted he is running upstairs getting things for me because he knows stairs take so much time and effort. All the back pain I've had, he has given me daily massages, never complaining. He's been taking on so much responsibility and caring for me in such a beautiful way. To my sweet husband, thank you. Thank you for loving me like Jesus and through all my mood swings, tears and pain thank you for all your support.

& I know Mark isn't the only one. I know there are so many husbands who are faithfully serving their wives through their pregnancy. I know my pregnancy looks easy compared to some woman and their husbands have had to step up huge, being away from their wives as they are in the hospital or dealing with a wife who is on bed-rest. To all of you men, thank you. Thank you so much for being such an incredible example and support. Two become one in a marriage and I know God's perfect plan intended on both the husband and wife to raise a baby. Thank you, husbands for helping with that in those nine months leading up to the birth. 

I woke up two nights ago and ran to the bathroom to throw up. I felt so sick and after sitting by the toilet for another hour I was pretty needy. I woke Mark up at 3am to tell him I was feeling awful and hoping for some back tickles. He didn't even complain but chose to love me and care for me as I was sick. It is these selfless acts that I know men don't get any credit for because pregnancy is mostly about the women - so I want to take this blog post and say a huge thanks to my man and all the men who have walked through pregnancy with their wives. You are the best!!

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