I Want To Remember

Any day now...
Today could be the day...
You could honestly go into labour anytime...

These thoughts from myself and other really kind people are starting to get to me. Everyone is honestly being the best and so kind asking me so many questions about how I feel and how close I am to raising this baby. However, it is making me so anxious. It really could be any day. They are right. My midwife is right. I am right. But it could also be 41 weeks and 3 days when my midwife told me this week thats when I would be induced - which is still 19 days away, which is a super long time.

It is 1:30am and I was laying in bed listening to my husband sleeping so peacefully and feeling my boy kick and move all over. I had been trying to get comfortable for hours heading up to bed well before 11pm and getting no sleep. My baby boy is still moving like crazy and I started thinking to myself I want to remember this moment.

With all the anxiety and restlessness this time shall pass and I don't want to forget. I don't want to forget these kicks as I can look down at my belly and feel him move. I know soon I will be up all night exhausted for another reason and my life will change completely for the better but still change drastically.


To my dear baby boy:

I want to remember this time we have now. Yes, I would love to go into labour at any moment but I don't want to forget this time now.

I want to remember the day I couldn't wait to take the pregnancy test because I just knew you were growing inside of me. I don't want to forget running from the bathroom into the bedroom where your Dad was patiently waiting for the news. I don't want to forget us holding hands jumping up and down acting so crazy because we were so thrilled the Lord was blessing us with you.

I want to remember looking at you for the first time on that 12 week ultrasound. I fell in love with you that day. Your sweet Daddy and I looked at you on the screen and then looked at my fairly flat stomach at the time and just gasped at you and how miraculous you are.

I want to remember feeling your first movement. It wasn't a butterfly kiss like so many people had told me it would feel like. It was strong and pronounced. You were making a statement already.

I want to remember finding out that you were a boy. We had such a fun party Christmas eve celebrating you! Your extended family just can't wait to meet you. I want to remember all the love and support I felt that night knowing that even though this parenting thing scares me, I have so much support from family.

I want to remember deciding on your name! It was such a blast when your Dad and I agreed. It has been the best decision finding your gender and picking out your name because I feel so much closer talking to you and calling you by name.

I want to remember waking up in the mornings and watching you move around as I quickly grab your Dad's hand to feel all the movements.

I want to remember those mornings lying in bed as your Dad talked to you and kissed you and read to you. I sure think you know our voices already...maybe too much!

I want to remember going for the 30 week ultrasound with Grammie and Dad and watching you stick out your tongue back and forth. We are giggled so much knowing you have so much personality even inside my tummy. It is incredible that you are living inside of me right now. I don't ever want to forget that moment.

I want to remember our games we play, where I put my warm tea mug on my stomach and then watch you kick it out of the way. I want to remember trying to film all your movements but the moment I press play it is like you know and won't kick. I hope you are just relaxing then rather than being stubborn like your mother.

I want to remember the feeling of setting up your nursery and washing all your newborn sleepers. It hit a new level of realness that night as I prayed over your room and sat on the recliner realizing that there is no turning back. You are coming out into this world one day soon and that realization was scary and beautiful all at the same time.

I want to remember the deep love I have for you as you are in the womb. As the Lord is knitting you together inside of me, I want to remember the absolute privilege and joy it is to be pregnant. There is literally life (you!) growing inside of me and that is so unbelievable.

I can't wait to meet you so soon and make so many new memories but I am thankful for all the memories you've already blessed me with. I so want to remember them.

We love you so much sweet boy.

Dad & Mom

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