5.27.2016

Dear Jackson // Week Two



Dear Jackson,

Happy two weeks! I can't decide if these last two weeks have gone by fast or slow. For one it feels like we've been doing this thing together forever. Parenting feels so natural to me and I am just loving it so it's weird to think we've only been together fourteen days. On the other side, the lack of sleep and realization that I can never just pick up and leave has been a heavy thought and to think you are just two weeks old and I have a lifetime of cancelled plans and working around nap times and feeding schedules scares me a bit. So basically I am a basket case of emotions which I still consider normal since you are two weeks and we are figuring this all out. 


But Jackson, let me tell you that I adore you. Like fiercely am in love with every part of your tiny self. I know they say babies can't smile until 6-8 weeks but when I kiss your toes and sing songs to you, you totally smile and you aren't passing gas. Here is my proof :) 


You love being held. This has become interesting in the nights when you are sleeping when momma holds you but the moment I put you in the bassinet so I can sleep you stir and start to fuss. You don't really cry though and right now Dad and I are so blessed with this. You just like being held and if that is the worst I am dealing with right now I will take it. You love sleeping on Dad though and it makes my momma heart explode. He holds you on his chest and you just snuggle right in. All is ok in the world it seems when your Daddy is holding you. Honestly, Jackson you will never understand the love your Dad and I have for you and it's crazy to think that it took no time for me to feel this way about you.  


You are eating great and have changed so much this past week. From week one having to give you a bit of formula  because my milk wasn't coming in to this week where you just constantly are eating every couple of hours. At our two week midwife appointment you weighed 8 pounds 14 1/2 ounces. You gained over a pound in a week. Your face is so chunky now and I love it. You even are starting to get a mini roll on your thighs. I love baby rolls and am hoping those continue in the coming weeks. You are now latching great and you've gone two weeks without a pacifier. I have one bought and ready to use but I think we will try to prolong the soother as much as possible if you are just fussy and not crying.


I am a bit too scared to go out in public yet. It's hard for me to even drink a tea let alone get out of the house and I am still a bit hesitant. What if you need to feed when I'm in the middle of the grocery store? Do I just leave the cart and run to the car? ahahah... see my little worries. I will try to get more confident just give momma some time.


So you are stirring now and needing some loving, loving which I am so excited to give you! Jackson, thank you for making me a momma. It is the best calling and privilege to be your mom. I am so thankful that God entrusted you to us. We love you so much and love being your parents. Seriously, you are the best baby and we are so thankful for you.

I love you so much,

Momma

5.19.2016

Dear Jackson // Week One


There are so many ways to capture baby moments. When I was pregnant I knew I wanted a way that worked for me to capture my sweet boys moments. I am awful at scrapbooking and pinterest craft ideas were just to overwhelming...but letters, letters I can write. I love journalling and figured I would try this avenue. One of my favourite bloggers that I've followed for years wrote letters to her baby girl. I adored them and looked forward to her weekly posts. So I am 100% taking her idea and and writing letters to my Jackson. Here is the link to her posts.. I've read every one and loved them. So Jackson, I will try to write you some letters. It will be something to look back on and share these memories with you one day. 





Dear Jackson,

Happy one week! We've made it a week. I can't believe this time last week you were still inside of me. Insane. There have been so many emotions this past week but overall there has been so much love. The love I have for you is strong, intense and I am fiercely protective over you already. I think you are perfect. Just perfect. I have spent hours just looking at you, feeling so overwhelmed that you are mine. All mine. I knew I wanted to be a momma but I didn't know all these feelings would flood over me the instant you were born.




Holding you right after birth was the best feeling ever. Labour was over. The most painful long labour was over and you came out with forceps and we avoided the c section. Such relief, such love for you.  Holding you for the first time last week I realized this was it. My job started now to be your momma and I promise my boy with only the Lord's strength I will strive to be the best momma in the whole entire world.



I love you so much and I feel beyond blessed that the Lord entrusted you to Mark and I. You have been so good this past week and are letting Dad and I sleep some - we are so thankful for this. You have so many people who are in love with you too. Your extended family is crazy about you and there has been someone over each day visiting and loving on you. My momma heart is proud showing you off, you are my baby. Typing that fills my heart with way too much love. 




You are feeding great after a bit of a rough start where I was told to feed you some formula and really didn't want to. But since day six you are doing great and are letting me sleep in two hour intervals which is great. Dad and I are so proud of you, we love you so much and can't wait to see how you grow in your second week. Making us parents has been the best gift ever and I am loving being your mom. It seems natural and oh so right. Your Dad is the best Dad ever. You won't understand how incredible your daddy is but I hope one day you will. When he holds you and talks to you my heart just explodes. It is the best thing to watch him love and take care of you. 




Today, we went for our first outing. We put you in the stroller and cruised around babies r us. It felt so real. We were out of the house and we were doing this parenting thing. We were one of the many people with strollers and babies and it felt like I was made for this. It's an honour being your momma. Thank you so much for letting me be yours. You slept the whole time like a champ. I hope you continue sleeping well. As I type this you are sleeping so peacefully and I just want to kiss you all over. Nighttime feeds aren't that bad because I get to hang out with you in the still of the night and just love on you. It is hard to believe that taking care of you is my full time job now. It seems like the greatest privilege ever. Jackson, you are seriously the best!



Keep growing strong my baby boy. Happy one week:)

Love your momma

*photo creds to Jenn for taking these stunning newborn pictures. thank you thank you thank you!





5.18.2016

Introducing Jackson Thomas Hockley

Wow.

Can't believe I am finally typing this out. 9 months of pregnancy is rough. I didn't like being pregnant at all and [almost] would do the labour again if it meant I wasn't super comfortable for 3/4 of the year.

But here I am. We are. Looking at our beautiful baby boy and just so in love. It is incredible. Beyond anything I could ever type on this blog post. I would do anything for him and the love I have for him already is indescribable. I can't fathom the love God has for us when I look at my sweet boy.

I can't wait for you to meet him!!

I think I will write out my birth story a bit more later on but for now here he is:)

Jackson Thomas Hockley
Thursday May 12 2016
7:32pm
8pounds 7oz

5.03.2016

We Are Not Of The World

Let's just jump into this one!

I love when people accept me, approve of me, like me, want to hang out with me etc. Who doesn't? It is such a wonderful feeling to be accepted into a group, to feel wanted and cherished by this world. I have such a hard time being on the outside and I fight this need of wanting to be accepted by this world.


But then I read passages like John 15 and it just makes me so sad that I still struggle with this. I've known John 15 for years and years and read it so many times, I've even blogged about it before. Yet I still come back to it and feel so convicted, so ashamed that I am still fighting this. This morning I re read these verses.

John 15:18-19 (NASB)
If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you. 

Could this passage be any clearer? It is hard for people to argue over these verses as they are so clear. This is Jesus talking. Jesus. He is saying this. Let that sink in for a minute and re read this passage.

Jesus was not of this world and the world hated Him. Jesus has called me out of this world and the world will hate me also. So why do I yearn for acceptance from the world? Oh my sinful patterns!

To me, I feel like the Lord keeps telling me - "Maddie it is a choice". I can't serve two masters. I can either be apart of this world and the world will love me or I can be following Jesus and the world will not accept me. That is my choice. I can't be walking in both and the Lord doesn't want me to call myself a Christian and then look like the world either. This verse says I am chosen out of the world, my life needs to look different.

I can't be loved by Jesus and be loved by the world. Scriptures are more than clear that I can serve Jesus or this world [Luke 16:13]. I have to make a choice. & I think this choice is daily. As Christians we are called to pick up our cross daily [Luke 9:23]. God is challenging me that I need to daily pick up my cross. I need to daily remember and choose that I am outsider, that I don't belong in this world and that is OK. That is more than ok because Christ is so much better, so much more fun, so fulfilling, so worthy of my life and all my worship. He is so worth it. 

I've made my choice years ago to follow Christ and these past five years I've grown so much being all in for Christ but as I'm on this journey my life needs to reflect more like Jesus and less like the world and that is constant till the day I die or Christ returns. I am so thankful that the God of the universe wrote in His word and communicated so clearly how I ought to live my life.

These two verses are such a good reminder this morning that I am called out of this world and that trying to be accepted by worldly standards is exactly what Jesus doesn't want of me.

Do you struggle with being accepted? Are you trying to live according to the world or to Christ? Does your life look like the world?

If you need a good pump up song to be unashamed for Christ check out Lecrae's outsider video. The lyrics are pure gold too and you can view them here.



I am so glad there are so many 'outsiders' living their lives boldly and unashamed of the gospel. Let's keep running this race strong, and letting God strip away everything that is not of Him. It's a painful process but one that is so worth it.

Lots of Love,
Maddie


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