6.03.2016

Dear Jackson // Week Three


Dear Jackson,

This past week you have grown so much. For one, your face is totally filled out and you have rolls. I love a chunky baby and am thrilled by the rolls you are slowly getting! We have stopped wearing newborn clothes and moved into the 0-3 months category. I tried to keep a few of your newborn sleepers out but they actually don't fit. That makes it seem so real. This week when we went to the doctors you weighed 9 pounds 3 ounces. So yes, this confirms all your growth and we are so thankful you are a growing healthy baby boy.


I know you still can't see super far and we are blurry but you can now follow sound and people walking. When we were at your Grammie's and Papa's house you totally followed Papa as he walked past you. These small things are so exciting and I love celebrating them with you. I love kissing your feet and watching you experience this world.


Currently you are going through the "3 week growth spurt" in which all you want to do is eat and sleep for no more than an hour at a time. This has been interesting as I was celebrating how you went 3 hours between a feeding and now Mom is getting no more than 45 minutes at a time. This is exhausting! It is crazy to think that I haven't slept for more than three hours at a time in three weeks. I also haven't done dishes in three weeks. Mom is exhausted and this growth spurt is making me feel like a zombie. Two nights ago you weren't sleeping and being a bit fussy and I had to tell myself to keep my eyes open so I could stay awake and rock you. I felt awful and just so gross but I whispered to you "you are so worth this" and I mean that with every fibre in my body. You, Jackson are the best thing. Life with you is the best. Even though I have had no time to myself and no sleep you are so incredible and I am so loving being your mom.


I am also pretty emotional this past week. I've shed quite a few tears this week at the overwhelming thought of being your Momma. But from all my thoughts I came to this conclusion: I feel like I have found such purpose and my calling again. I have always wanted to be a Mom but this, this feeling and this life with you, it has fulfilled so much inside of me. This is my dream job. I just want to raise babies and adopt 100 kids it feels like. Being your Mom feels so right and I am so thankful you have given me this incredible privilege of being your Mom.


Through all these thoughts I remember being back in South Africa and feeling that same purpose. I moved in with 18 children and was told to mentor and mother them. I was nineteen years old and had zero idea how to mother 18 children whose culture or language I didn't even understand. But that year changed me forever for the better. It humbled me and I had to daily deal with all my selfishness as I learnt [messed up daily] to love these kiddos like Jesus loves them. Every morning I woke up at 5am and I thought to myself "I have purpose. My purpose is to love on these precious children and show them God's love." I knew then in South Africa that I wanted to be a mom but I didn't remember that feeling until this past week. I miss my kiddos in South Africa and my heart just aches to a whole new level over all the babies in the world who aren't loved on and cared for.


I have just been praying for all those babies in Elmira, in South Africa and around the world who aren't loved and snuggled and cuddled. It honestly makes me cry because all you need is love. You don't need all these books and "how to's" and proper sleep cycles, you just need to be loved. I am so honoured to love you, like I was honoured and privileged to love my children in South Africa for eleven months. Thank you for letting me feel this incredible calling again to mother and to such a deeper level. I am such a blessed woman. Being a parent is the greatest and I love you loads, even if that means I don't shower, or do the dishes right now or sleep... I am so OK trying to figure this all out with you!


Happy three weeks my baby boy!

Love your Momma
xo

1 comment:

  1. Hey Maddie.
    I just wanted to say that you are doing a fantastic job. Even though it feels like you aren't doing everything you did before Jackson was born, you're an amazing mother. You are not expected to be perfect, you're just meant to mother the sweet little boy you've been given. God bless you and may he continue to give you the strength you need each day.
    Victoria

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