Dear Jackson // Five Months

 Dear Jackson,

I am writing this on exactly October 12 and last night you slept through the night for your first time! You went to sleep by 8:30pm and woke up at 2am but I stayed in bed and let you cry it out. You only cried for 5 minutes and put yourself right back to sleep and didn't wake up again till 6am! Yay! What a wonderful five month present and a good milestone to remember. Let's continue this pattern please. I feel so amazing having slept. I know all babies are different. I know of mommas whose babies were sleeping 10 hours in the first two months and I know mommas whose babies aren't babies anymore and still aren't making it through. So five months, that is super successful and I am thrilled!

Jackson this month your Dad and I have seem immense growth. Your personality gets stronger and more defined each and every day. You are so curious and love trying to figure things out.

My favourite thing this month is that you play with toys now! It is so fun seeing you reach, and figure out the toys. Everything goes straight to your mouth and you love putting toys in your mouth, looking at them and then putting them back in your mouth. Right now you are obsessed with our gatorade water bottle lids. You get feverish for them and constantly reach until one of us gives it to you. You also love tags. Grammie bought you the cutest blanket with tags and you spend a good amount of time occupied with toys.

September 16, you rolled from your back to your stomach [you've been rolling from your stomach to your back since month three]. It was such a big milestone and since the sixteenth you just constantly roll. You cover the distance of our living room and turn yourself around in full circles. At the beginning you were startled but I can confidently type that you have got this skill down pat. 

Also with being able to move so much, you started sleeping on your tummy. The first two nights you screamed bloody murder due to the fact that you were still figuring out how to roll but after you have settled into sleeping face down in your crib. This totally would have scared me if you weren't wearing your Owlet [heart rate sock] that would notify me if you've stopped breathing. The owlet is the best thing we could have ever purchased. It daily brings me peace of mind.

Your naps are still no more than thirty minutes every two hours or so and you feed every three. I've been worried this month that you aren't drinking enough milk and when I pump I don't get a lot of ounces but you don't seem to care and drink as much as you want so I'm trying not to worry.

I had a nutristionist  appointment this past month and we decided to introduce foods after five months, so guess what - the time is coming soon! I will start with fruits and veggies the game plan is to introduce grains, eggs and dairy later on but if I've learnt anything with babies is that game plans change all the time, so I'll update later if this actually works.

You love playing in your exersaucer and your toes just touch the ground. Jackson, you bring so much light and pure joy to our lives. Each and every day I love you more and love being your momma. It is such a privilege that I don't take lightly. I know I don't have the answers and that I am such a sinful person, but I know God has the answers and I am committed through His strength and grace to love you like Jesus does.

Authority in this world is looked at a negative word most times, but Jackson it is actually the best word. I am the under the authority of Christ and He provides all that I need. He is my protector, refuge, defender and as I submit to Him, He has authority over me and my life. I pray that even as you are five months you are pleased with being under Mark's and my authority. I want to be your parent, not your friend. I want you to be under our authority and look at it as a good thing as Christ has authority over us. Parenting is a gift, a calling, a job and I want to parent you all to the glory of God. Being your parent has been the biggest blessing in my life other than my salvation and your Daddy and each day is the greatest because of you.

 You have the best smile, the best snuggles, the cutest looks and such personality. You are curious and just love others. You are such a loved baby by our extended family and they really adore you.  Holding you at four am in the morning I whisper pure thankfulness to the Lord for you as tears stream down my face. I just can't believe the goodness of the Lord for giving you to me. You are His but He has entrusted us with you and I can't ever begin to properly thank the Lord for the gift you are.  Seriously Lord, how did I deserve this? You are the best!

 I often pray in the night for the babies who are unloved and my heart shatters at the thought. I pray for the mommas who have been trying to get pregnant and can't and for the families who have lost babies. I think about adoption or foster care often because I just can't believe there are so many kiddos unloved, not wanted and alone in this world. Tears are stinging my eyes as I type this out. We live in such a messed up world. Jackson, I pray you would know you are loved, be able to love others and know you are blessed to have two parents who are crazy in love with everything you do.

OK, Happy five months Jackson Thomas.
You are a sheer JOY to us.

Love your momma

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