Dear Jackson -1.5 years

 Dear Jackson,

I wanted to write down some things quick so that I don't forget because I am already starting to forget. I also need to be quick because you don't nap very long so I am literally racing against the clock. A part of me wishes you weren't so curious and so busy so you would play by yourself and I could type this post out but that is you and the moment the iPad and my keyboard is out you want to watch videos of yourself and bang loudly on the keys making writing impossible.

You are becoming such a big boy and there isn't any "baby" left in you. You are a full toodler. Exploring the world, learning new things each and every day and excited for every new adventure. Speaking of an adventure we have taken you on one these past few months. Moving cities and homes and everything fimiliar to you is a big transition - and watching it through your little eyes has given me fresh insight on transitions and having grace with myself. Everything we have thrown at you, you have taken to- except the nursery at church. You are still terrified of it and cry and I worry and stress the entire service but I know everything is a season and this too shall pass.

I want to remember that you are obsessed with birdies and make bird noises all throughout the day. Your hearing is better than mine and you always can hear the birdies and look up to find them. You also love airplanes and we see lots in the sky every day, which you point out to me every time. We must acknowledge the planes, birds, squirrels etc. Stop and watch in wonder. Then we they fly or go away you wave to them every time, seem satisfied and then continue on with the task at hand. You are a big boy and need to be treated that way at all times. Often if I am helping you willl literally take my hand off of your cup/bowl/chair etc.. and throw it away so "you can do yourself." You are one stubborn determined boy and I know that it is hard to parent that right now but you will be a force for the Kingdom of God with those characteristics as you get older.

You love helping out around the house. You empty the dishes washer (the cutlery) and proudly give each piece to us. You turn on and off all the light switches, open and close the garage, help mow the lawn, pick up leaves, empty out the laundry from the dryer and put it into the hamper and on some days you even proudly put away all your toys.. but the last example is only sometimes... we are working on that one with you.

Eating... hmm what to write about that. You love eggs and fruit and then everything else is a gamble at all times. Breakfast is normally good but lunch and dinner can be you crying and throwing your food the entire time or taking really big bites and using your utensils like a pro. Meal time is probably the most stressful for me as a Momma in this season. I want to feed you nutritious meals but you often cry if the food takes longer than 5 minutes to make and cook. You follow me around all day that when I try to sneak away to cut veggies or boil rice you know food is being prepared and demand to eat it right away.

You are still sleeping through the night about 12 hours. We switched you to one nap around 16 months and naps have been really rough for you. There have been so many transitions in your life and this is another big one so I am trying to not resent the fact that I get little to no alone time or rest during the day. This has been so hard while being pregnant and sick because every time you nap, I nap. And when you sleep at seven I am right behind you most nights crawling under the covers by 8pm. This has been tough to spend quality time with Jesus and Mark and make friends and new connections but when I keep an eternal perspective I quickly remember all that I have to be thankful for and stop worrying about what I'm not doing.

You understand everything I say to you and we communicate great! I will tell you go get a bowl, your shoes, your blanky anything and you will understand and get it for me. It is such a privilege watching you grow. You can't speak back to me but you are trying. You say "dada" "momma" "hot" "more" and make a lot of birdie noises.

Your daddy is your best friend and you love when he is around. You get so sad every morning when we drive him to work and look forward to him coming home. You are much more at ease when Dada is home and so much less clingy to me. You love when he takes you on walks (or anyone takes you on walks.. one of your favourite things) and you full out giggle every time we kiss you, "get you", chase you or make a game out of something.

Jackson, you are God's precious child and I am honoured, humbled and often teary-eyed that I get to be your Momma. Motherhood is hard but I've learnt and continue to learn that all really good stuff takes work and is hard. This journey has continued to refine me as a human and follower of Christ and I know Jesus better by being your Momma. Thank you for all your kisses and snuggles. The way you put your head on my shoulder and wrap your little arms around my neck makes me melt and gives me such purpose.

I love you sweet boy.


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