Pregnancy Round Two

I'm typing this at 38 weeks 2 days and on my first day of maternity leave! Also, I'm hoping that contractions will start any minute and that this baby will be in my arms sometime soon. Jackson was 10 days late so I'm not very optimistic but hey a girl can pray and dream right?

I realized today after putting Jackson to sleep that I have very little written about this pregnancy or this baby and I wanted to quick note some things so I can remember.

1. Pelvic Pain
My pelvic pain started early in second trimester and never left. Walking hurts, sitting hurts, lying down hurts - there is nothing I am able to do to get rid of the every constant pain. I just keep thanking the Lord for the ability and opportunity to carry this child but if being honest I have been miserable. I see woman who go on maternity leave and "nest" and to me the thought of bending over hurts and nesting isn't possible because I can't move. Don't get me wrong - I would love to nest and clean my house but I'm learning to just have so much grace over myself in this season of letting the Lord define me and not my clean house or great accomplishments.

2. Survive Nine Months
Along with the pelvic pain I am still taking dicletin. I've tried stopping the pill so many times to see if I could go without and each time has left me so dizzy and nauseous that it is not worth it. I honestly believed I would feel better after first trimester (like I did with Jackson) but this time it wasn't the case. A lot of days I was bedrest and unable to thrive. Mark and I were talking one night about how my body doesn't do pregnancy well and what we can realistically strive for in this season - we came up with the word "survive." Just get through it. That is what has kept me sane when I am feeling all the mom-guilt, wife-guilt, all the guilt of not being able to provide for my family the way my heart desires it.

3. Family Support
When we moved up to Muskoka at the end of August I was already pregnant. I don't know life up here without feeling all the pregnancy feels. We have such great family support and had amazing help with Jackson and throughout my pregnancy and I know things are going to be different with family three hours away. I know that I am called to be here in Muskoka for this season and we are really loving it but I have been thinking lots about the lack of support I will have this time around with baby #2 and feeling so grateful for the way families rally around each other no matter the distance.

4. Logistical Facts
So far I have gained about 35 pounds and that is a bit less than with Jackson. I am unable to exercise due to the way baby is sitting on my pelvis so the weight struggle has been real again watching the pounds come on and not being able to do too much. Along with that, I am always hungry. I also don't remember being this hungry when pregnant with Jackson. We still don't know the gender after being unable to find out and it has been driving me crazy - but hopefully any day now I will be able to know! Even packing my hospital bag has been rough because I have all the boy clothes... but don't want spend $ on girl outfits if baby #2 is male. I had a midwife this time around again with Midwives of Muskoka. I have enjoyed my care there but do miss St. Jacobs midwives at times. I like the familiarity and everything is so new to me up here. The "plan" is to give birth at the Orillia hospital which is 35 minutes away. I laboured so so long that I figure I will have plenty of time to get to Orillia before baby is due - but who knows.... will have to read the birth story :)

Jackson knows there is a baby in my tummy but also thinks there is a baby in Mark's tummy too - so does he understand? Not too sure. He knows the baby's crib and when we talk about the baby coming soon he points outside and talks about the van and we acknowledge that yes - we are driving to pick baby up in the van... hopefully we can keep this story for a very long time. Babies come home in vans  - it's not lying!

Last, I want to remember how great my husband is. Wow, a hundred times over. It brings tears to my eyes typing how amazing and great he really is. Through all these hormones, naps, lack of ability to do much - he selflessly stepped up and served me and our family. Starting a new job in a new town with a whole new congregation to meet is overwhelming and yet he has dove right in and loved on and served these wonderful people -while taking care of his family I am so proud and honoured and just so in love with my man for the way he is Jesus to me and our family. He has really stepped up from packing all the boxes (literally all the boxes while I slept or threw up) when we moved and has made our rental house a home. I am so thankful for him and know that I couldn't have done this pregnancy without him.

OK. Let's continue to wait and be patient. Baby we love you! Can't wait to hold you in my arms so soon.

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