Dear Marlowe // YOU ARE ONE!

Dear Marlowe,

Happy happy birthday baby girl.

I am so thankful we are almost out of the "baby stage" but also feel like you were just born and can't fathom that you are having your first birthday.  The days are long but the weeks and months fly by.

Marlowe, you a gift - a true blessing and every day I am so thankful I get to be your Momma. The days leading up to meeting you, I so prayed for a little girl. I would have been 100% content being a Momma of boys but there was such a deep longing for a little girl. Playing with your brother makes it so obvious - I am not a boys mom and Jackson tells me my towers and trains aren't near as good as Daddy's. I can't wait to play dolls and barbies, paint our nails and have high tea (if you are into that stuff...?) I can also see you wanting to play trains and build towers and also tell me my creations aren't adequate. It's fun to dream and laugh at the future of raising a strong willed girl. Who knows if you'll want to do that, but I can host a high tea with your dolls better than most people out there - just saying :) 

I snuggle you to sleep every night and always rock you for a few minutes. In the dark and quiet I cherish these short minutes after a long day. These times are so sweet as you look up at me, often sucking your thumb. My eyes often fill with tears of just being overwhelmed with gratitude that you are mine, and at the same time begging God in those moments for Him to save you. 
I know your greatest need isn't physical or keeping you safe, or parenting you to live on your own one day. Your greatest need is the same as mine - it is spiritual; we need a Saviour to forgive us for our sins. Our ultimate needs are spiritual - we are dead and need Jesus to make us alive. I can't even begin to think about you choosing to not follow God and being separated from me for eternity so I just beg God to save you, to pursue you to draw you close to Him.

I once heard the saying that as parents we have the opportunity to put as much kindling and wood onto the fire but it is Lord that ultimately has to ignite the fire in our kids lives and save them. I know that it is only the Spirit who saves, nothing I can force on you - but I'm challenged to think and ponder how to get the "good fire wood" and "kindling." I pray you will see me loving Jesus and giving Him away confident that He is the hope, He is the answer in this messed up broken world looking for purpose and hope. 

I already wrestle with that looks like for our family. Oh Marlowe, I long for you to one day know Jesus and His unending love for you. Most nights I pray Psalm 63 over you and want to write some of this passage out on your birthday letter. One day I hope you will be able to pray this for you, that this would be the posture of your heart as you cry out to your Heavenly Father, but for now I will pray it over you.

Psalm 63: 1-8
O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.

Miss Marlowe, I pray you will know God's steadfast love is better than life, that your soul will cling to Him. I promise to always pray for you, to always bring your before the Father and to seek His will for our family and for your life. I pray that as I run after God with my whole life you would see my joy, that it isn't a Sunday thing or something that we "do" but that it compels my entire life and every choice. I pray you would see your Momma as a messed up human, full of sin - yet redeemed by Jesus and set apart to live on mission. I am so aware every single day of my shortcomings and failures especially in motherhood. It's so hard and I often see my sin creep up as I try to mother you and your brother - but Jesus - I am so thankful for His grace in my life, that His mercies truly are new each morning. 

Marlowe, I pray from a young age you would know you are loved not with an earthly love that is self seeking - but with an enteral love. I pray I would be so connected to Jesus that His love would overflow from my life into yours. Oh sweetie, I just want to love you like Jesus - serve you like Him and point you to Him. He is the only thing you need in your life. 

Jesus, thank you for my beautiful baby girl, for a whole year with her in this world. Thank you for entrusting me to be her Momma and love her with your love. I can't fathom thinking how much more you love her than I do. Goodness, that is a lot of you love you have for your children. Thank you for your grace, for fresh starts and for this journey. Thank you that you never leave our side. Thank you for this wonderful year. I pray for so many more years of loving and being Marlowe's Momma. You are good good Father who gives good gifts to your children - thank you for this gift of being her Momma. Goodness, I love you so much Jesus. Help me to mother in a way that honours you and points her to you. 


Happiest of Birthdays Baby Girl, 
I couldn't love you more.

Your Momma

The things I want to remember about this month:
- You still only say "Momma"
- You crawl everywhere now! Hurray you are on the move
- You eat everything -your favourite foods are French fries and cheese
- After you take a drink you usually go "ahhh" - it hasn't stopped being the cutest thing ever
- When Jackson takes your toy you now throw a hissy fit/temper tantrum
- You still have a large personal bubble and really value personal space - you stare down all strangers and are still very rude to the people at church who just adore you. Maybe soon you will smile at them? hahha
- Your resting BABY face is intense - yet so your personality.
- You think your crib is a play area now - we had to lower it because you know stand on your knees, very close to standing up
- Your favourite thing is the bath - now that you can move I often find you crawling towards the bathtub and then trying to get in. 
- Still applying steroid cream on your face daily (left side when looking at you) for your eczema. You also have a few patches on your back that really bother you. When we use the 2% steroid cream it is manageable but when I stop it gets bad again
- Still nursing 4 times a day (morning, two naps, bedtime) 
- Still won't let me feed you with a spoon, so we are teaching you to use a spoon

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